* Bama can speak braille.
* Bama's tears are the cure for cancer, too bad he's never cried.
* Guns don't kill people, Bama kills people.
* Bama can divide by zero.
* When Bama goes swimming he doesn't get wet. The water gets Bama.
* Bullets dodge Bama.
* Bama doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Bama is Bama.
* Bama isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
* Bama doesn’t eat. Rather, he kicks ass until he’s full.
* BAma never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Bama”.
* Bama has two speeds: walk and kill.
* When Bama plays baseball, he hits a home-run every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then proceeds to impregnate all the girls in the stadium.
* Bama can actually breathe fire.
* Bama can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night!
* Bama doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* Bama does not sleep. He waits.
* Bama is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Bama
* If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Bama.
* If you can see Bama, he can see you. If you can’t see Bama, you may be only seconds away from death.
* On the 7th day, God rested…. Bama took over.
* Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Bama.
* A duck’s quack does not echo. Bama is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
* Bama’s roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
* If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Bama.
* Bama doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
* Ironically, Bama’s hidden talent is invisibility.
* Contrary to popular belief, Bama, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* Bama does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
* God said 'let there be light' ...Bama said, "say please"
* Bama sleeps with a night light on. It’s not because Bama is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Bama.
* When Bama “digs for gold”, he actually pulls out gold.
* Bama doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Bama tells it to.
* Bama doesn't sleep, he waits, but if Bama were to sleep, he would sleep with a pillow under his gun.
* There is no such thing as global warming. Bama was cold, so he turned the sun up.
* Bama once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just called The Islands.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Bama lives in Alabama.
* In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Bama roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job" and the universe was born.
* Saddam wasn't hiding in a hole in Iraq. Bama roundhouse kicked him into the ground in Kansas and he wound up there.
* Bama is most likely God, but it is impossible for mere mortals to know.
* In the Vietnam War, Bama killed all of the North Vietnamese in five minutes. The media made up the story of the war because they felt bad for the humiliation the North suffered.
